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-We are live (sort of) from Detroit Michigan…

-Up first is Matt Hardy vs. Jack Thwagger for the ECW title.

-Stiff has hell right hand from Hardy.

-Matt Striker is over-analysing.

-Hardy almost lawn-darts his head on a moonsault.

-Swagger wins after a gun-wrench powerbomb. Decent match.

-Next up is Melina vs. Womans Champion Beth Phoenix.

-Fans chanting for Santino.

-Beth kicked Melina in the back of the head with her own foot. Awesome.

-Melina pins Beth with a really cool sunset flip to win the title. Glaring errors in the match but it wasn’t awful.

-Up next is JBL and his ‘employee’ Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena for the World Championship.

-At least there is a little drama as to what Michaels is going to do because the match sucks.

-HBK superkicks both JBL and Cena and then covers JBL on the champ and walks away.

-Referee hits the ring and counts but Cena kicks out at 2.

-Cena hits the FU and gets the pin to retain.

-Up next is Jeff Hardy defending the WWE Title vs. Edge.

-Vickie says this is a no dq match, Edge is accompanied by Chavo.

-You can’t jump off a ladder sideways!! When will people learn….

-The Matt Hardy heel turn begins at this show, he hits his brother with a chair leading to Edge pinning Jeff to win the title.

-Time for the fuckin’ Rumble!!!!

-Entrant #1 is Rey Misterio, #2 John Morrison.

-Rey and Morrison go hard, good shit. Carlito is #3.

-MVP is #4.

-#5 is Khali.

-Best work of the entire show has been the first 5 or 6 minutes of the Rumble.

-Out next is Kozlov.

-And he eliminates Khali! And then eliminates MVP and Carlito.

-Next entry is #7 HHH.

-And HHH eliminates Kozlov.

-#8 is Randal Kendal Orton.

-#9 is JTG.

-#10 is Ted DiBiase.

-#11 is Jericho.

-#12 is Mike Knox. Yay.

-#13 is The Miz… And he’s AWESOME!

-HHH eliminates Miz and Morrison.

-#14 is Finlay.

-The half-way point #15 is Cody Rhodes.

-Just took a phone call and missed a whole bunch of shit.

-Shelton Benjamin is #20.

-Regal is #21.

-Kofi is Jamaaican at #22.

-Kane is #23.

-WHATS UP! Is # 24.

-#25 is Rob Van Dam. A nice one shot surprise.

-#26 is The Brian Kendrik.

-And he’s out….

-#27 is Dolph Ziggler.

-And he’s out….

-#28 is Santino.

-And he’s out….

-#29 is Hacksaw Jim Duggan!!!

-#30 is Big Show.

-And eliminated Duggan.

-Rey is finally out at 49 minutes.

-Final 4 are Legacy and HHH.

-Orton wins, eliminating HHH as he was taking care of Ted and Cody. Great Rumble match.

-’Taker and Shawns segment was good but too long.

-Divas tag was meh.

-You pulled thread out of your eye, big fuckin’ deal.

-Skip Sheffield and Regal are awesome.

-Orton vs. Legacy got a lot of time. Decent match.

-HHH’s promo was good.

-One of these days someone I going to bump on a microphone and get fucked up.

-Criss Angel is just taking up a lot of my time….

-Bourne qualifies for MiTB. Something tells me he is going to have a WrestleMania moment.

-Oh Vince, I knew you had something up your sleeve. You’re incorrigable.

-Since when in a gauntlet match can another dude come out whenever the fuck he wants?

-Whats with Mark Henry? We run out of mid-card heels?

-The whole main event segment was brutal.

So this is supposed to be the big one huh… Let’s go to the video tape.

-So the big opening 5 minute hype was because they are going to deliver the match they promised? Big fucking deal.

-Good lord, at least Hogan has enough sense to wear a shirt.

-Here comes Sting…. So much for the big match.

-Sting heels out. Pretty obvious but still I kinda dig it.

-Oh god, they’re gonna wrestle again? Damn.

-Sting manhandles Dixie!! Please let her not become an on-camera talent.

-I do NOT need Brooke fucking Hogan on my tv when I’m watching wrestling. We’ve spent 20 minutes on this, can we move on.

-Kaz/Williams/Daniels was hot. More please.

-Shannon Moore beats up Williams. We’re getting a little saturated with talen in my opinion.

-Beautiful People win the Knockouts tag straps. No mention of who had them before AKA Kong.

-”Keep the chain.” Nice.

-The whole champagne thing with JB and the BP was weird a creepy.

-I won’t lie. Pretty jazzed for RVD.

-…..Who gets owned by Sting in his debut. Sad.

-A few camera and direction glitches here and there.

-Was Nash drunk? What the fuck is Designation X?

-”Hall is wasted.” Great chant.

-The whole Hall/Nash/Pac angle sucks.

-The Anderson/Angle segment was decent but the soldiers shouldn’t have had any contact with Anderson. It looked awful.

-Earl will stop things if they get out of control…. Does it concern anyone that a big angle of this show is that one of the guys in the main event is concerned he is too old and broken down and may need the match stopped?

-The Guns and Gen Me in Ultimate X? That I agree with.

-And the Oscar goes to… Brooke Hogan!

-Jeff Hardy returns after the main event match which didn’t suck as much as I thought.

-You can get with this or you can get with that, you better get with this ‘cuz this is where its at WHAT’S UP!

-Ok, so there seems to be a voting system. No its starting to make some more sense.

-Danielson came off baby as fuck during his vingette.

-Michael Cole will never be as good of a heel as Don West.

-Otunga and Truth with the worst backstage pullapart ever…

-Does Danileson have viatligo? (Sic)

-Regals reaction to Skip Sheffield was priceless.

-The interplay between Sheffield and Regal during their match was interesting. Will make for a fun angle.

-In their segment, did Miz not say Brian and Jericho was next or am I on meth?

-Up first is Misterioso Jr/Rey Bucanero/Ultimo Guerrero vs. Villano V/Villano III/Terrible.

-Spike brainbuster, interesting.

-Tecnicos lose the first fall by DQ after Guerrero removes Villano V’s mask. Rudos pretty much dominated fall 1.

-The Villanos attempt to remove Ultimo Guerreros mask prompting Blue Panther to do a run-in causing a DQ to the Tecnicos. Rudos win 2 falls to 0.

-Main event will see La Sombra/Volador Jr/Mistico take on Heavy Metal/Negro Casas/Atlantis.

-Mistico submits to a backbreaker from Atlantis to give the rudos Fall #1. Fun fall.

-After some awesome dives, Mistico makes Atlastis submit to a fujiwara armbar to win fall 2.

-Rudos win the third fall with a combo submission and pin on Volador and Sombra. Great really fun match.

-The Happy Gilmore joke? Come on, you’re better then that…

-I like the Morrison/R-Truth pairing.

-Benjamin and Ziggler was decent.

-Tiffany: from GM to babysitter.

-Strongest man in the world? Isn’t that gimmick taken?

-Another pretty bland show.

-God I wish I could go to one of these fuckin’ shows….

-Yossinos chops are viscious.

-Dragon Kid and Yossino was fucking spectacular. Unbelievably good.

-Quackenbush/Jigsaw vs. Akuma/Yamada was solid but hard to follow that first match.

-Doi and Bryan Danielson was as good a match as you’ll ever see. It got really close to that point where I start to knock off points for kicking out of everything but not too bad.

-Brian Kendrik and CIMA was great but short.

-Shingo and Davey Richards was AMAZING.

-HHH and HBK’s promo was cool.

-DiBiase and Orton was good until the run in.

-Was Swagger and Santino even worth doing?

-Batista looked like a jacked-up Rob Halford.

-Cena and Batistas promo segment was way too long.

-Is the Cheech and Chong stuff funny? I can’t decide…

-Was MVP and Ryder even worth doing?

-The pillowfight was useless and I was trying to see where Gail Kim got hurt but couldn’t tell. And for fucks sake someone teach Kelly2 to not fucking smile at everything!!

-Mad Dog Vachon in the HoF.

-Good lord this angle with Bret is SO bad…. How can you fuck this up?

-Quite the ugly mug on ‘Taker….

-Oh duh! Sheamus and HHH at ‘Mania…

-My HDNet feed sucks.

-DCFC and the Wolves was excellent.

-This Skullkrusher gimmick is a joke.

-Corino and Dempsey was a waste.

-The Sara Del Ray interview was interesting.

-The Set? Please. This isn’t even worth watching.

-Hey! A tournament with brackets! What a concept!

-Black/Strong vs. Aries/King was good. Great finish.

This should be most interesting, Let’s go to the video tape…

-Fuck, Miz makes Danielson look tiny.

-Love the white ropes.

-”I wish my pro was William Regal.” Awesome.

-Ok, segment 1 with Miz and Bryan is over. What did we establish? What did we achieve? I’m confused. I hope this goes somewhere.

-Ok, they announce all of a sudden Bryan will wrestle Jericho? Why??

-Alright, a promo vingette for Michael Tarver. Much better, now we’re getting somewhere.

-And a vingette for Heath Slater and then a tag match. Ok, now we’re making more sense. I like it.

-Watching these promo vingettes this could be an interestling walk down the work/shoot line.

-Whoa! Interesting hard camera positioning….

-Decent tag match, very unique camera work. Will take some getting used to.

-David Otunga says he’s going to win NXT. This is a competition? What is up for grabs?

-Wow, Young got squashed… Might be time for a straight edge intervention.

-I think Cole just remembered he’s the heel announcer.

-Jericho forget how to take a Dragon Screw?

-Bryans dive into the table was sick.

-Jericho and Danielson was solid. Interesting first episode.